Category: Bitterness

People who hide themselves are impossible to know.

She can’t trust me to know what she likes because she has never really shared any of her true self with me. At least not in recent memory. She has hidden away in anger and hatefulness for so long, no one can see anything else.

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ACAD: Psalm 35

ACAD: Psalm 35
Lord, battle with those who battle with me. Fight against those who fight against me. Pick up the shield and armor. Rise up and help me. Lift up your spears, both large and small, against those who chase me. Tell me, “I will save you.”

Where my help truly comes from…

In the same way, trust comes by seeing someone do what they said they would do. With each action that follows a word/declaration/promise, trust increases. The third woman I spoke to last week complained bitterly about being unable to trust anyone, having no one to turn to for assistance with her children and being weary of inviting anyone into her home for fear of how they would take advantage of her situation. In exasperation, I told her, “At some point, you’re going to have to just decide to trust someone. Before you get to that point, you have to trust yourself. Do you trust yourself?”

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How do you celebrate a life that was not appreciated during its lifetime?

My main goal for my visit was to sit and speak to my grandmother. And to pray over her. I wanted to hear in her own words what was going on with her. During the thirty-six hours between hearing of this traumatic incident and getting to her bedside, all I could think of was her life and the very real possibility of her death. What type of eulogy could she honestly receive? My heart grew heavier by the moment, not because of the circumstances leading to her hospital stay this time. No, what weighed on my heart like a stone and dragged me down into a sadness that was incredibly difficult to face is the knowledge that my Grandma Bessie has not enjoyed her life. There is no joy to be found in her.