Life

The older I get, the less I worry about relationships.

Photo: "Monarch" by Lisa Richelle Fine Photography (2014).

Photo: “Monarch” by Lisa Richelle Fine Photography (2014).

The older I get, the less I worry about relationships. Not because relationships matter less to me as I age, but because I’ve come to realize the relationships that matter most are the relationships in which the other party also values a relationship with me. People who want to be in relationship with you, make sure there is no cause to worry about the relationship. As I’ve come to this realization, I’ve also noticed that I don’t have to weed people out of my life. People remove themselves simply by their lack of care and attention to the relationship. They fade away.

The relationships that matter most to me now are those where my appreciation is reciprocated. Where my admiration, care, concern, and respect are shared. Where there’s a mutual desire to pursue, maintain and grow in relationship with one another. This includes relationships in every area of my life: personal, family, friend, social, work, etc.

Looking back on my life, I see a long trail of one-sided relationships that I was truly dedicated to. But I was also uncertain, agonized, tormented, dissatisfied, and insecure in some way. When I chose to step away from the people who only wanted to take what I had to offer without sharing any of themselves with me, I was able to let go of the negative feelings they instilled in me. I am over being the only vested person in one-sided relationships. I’m done making myself available for people who don’t want to be available for me. I’m no longer seeking out people who persist on hiding and playing in the dark.

By God’s Grace and Light, I am being rebuilt in strength, fullness and beauty. I’m a Child of the Light and I intend to live like it.

As I have matured, I have become more confident with all I have to offer as a human being, as a woman, as a friend, as a worker – and God willing, as a wife, lover and mother. I have grown confident in the fact that I am not missing out on anything at this point in my life. All who are meant to share this time and space with me are doing so. I am blessed and highly favored and I know the blessings and favor upon my life flow from me to those connected to my life. There’s no need for me to chase anybody or anything. God is my supplier. His Light in me attracts what is meant for me and repels that which is not.

I thank God for the harsh scrubs that cleanses another layer of the world from me with each washing.

You want me to be completely truthful,
    so teach me wisdom.
Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
    Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
    let the bones you crushed be happy again.
Turn your face from my sins
    and wipe out all my guilt.

Create in me a pure heart, God,
    and make my spirit right again.
Do not send me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
Give me back the joy of your salvation.
    Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.
Then I will teach your ways to those who do wrong,
    and sinners will turn back to you.  ~ Psalms 51:6-13, NCV

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