Shawnda’s response to “My Husband is Not My Soul Mate”
July 24, 2013 at 6:12 am
My response to this blog is pretty much a post, so I am reblogging it with my response. I welcome your thoughts and comments as well.
Thanks for sharing your heart in this post. I am single and in my late 30′s. I have wanted to be married for the last ten years. I dated throughout my 20′s and I have always seen a husband in my future. I too had the lists of characteristics I wanted in my spouse. I will also say that I’ve been celibate since the age of 18 – a one night stand was the last time my spirit allowed me to rebel sexually. I share all this because I believe that God has had a very real and direct guidance and correction in my life. He was present and active in every choice I have made. His guidance and influence are especially visible when I look back on my life. There are many things that I wanted and many things that I chose throughout my 20′s that were not part of God’s plan for my life. How do I know that? Because none of it worked out in my life. Many things fell mid-flight. The men, once so eager to talk to me or impress me simply disappeared. All this BEFORE I committed myself to God and His instructions for life. My committed walk with God began about 8yrs ago. In my covenant relationship with my Father God, I have learned to ask Him to use me according to His will, to conform me according to His character and nature and to change my heart to desire the things He desires to give me in life.
In all these years, only one man has able to reach my heart and sear my soul. One man. Even when I had the illusion of choosing from many others, far more practical choices; even when I thought I didn’t want this man because of His seemingly loose way of walking out his faith, my thoughts and my focus return to him. I am convinced that he is my husband and I am convinced that God has been working on us both for many years to prepare us for the full glory, honor and work that is a covenant marriage with Jesus in the center, guided and enriched by God’s Holy Spirit. We have both made many choices over the years that have seemingly put a huge gulf between us, but God with His mercy and planning always show us how connected we are in the smallest of instances and the slightest of events.
I share this because I think you’re giving yourself far too much credit. Yes, we have free will. But I truly believe that God’s biggest pleasure with each of us comes when we CHOOSE to yield/surrender/give our full lives back to Him. When we allow Him control of our lives, He is better able to mold us more fully into His image. I am because HE IS. Apart from God, my choices are nothing and they amount to very little in life. But with God, my choices are everything and life is a true wonder of daily miracles. The daily choice I take responsibility for is surrendering to God everything that is me, so that He will fill me with more of Himself. As you may already know, there are many days when surrender is not a thought in my mind or is stubbornly resisted – those days, I don’t want to be merciful, loving, or generous. However, after a while of wallowing in my own darkness, I return yet again broken and surrendered to His light and His will for me to love others as He loves me.
Thus the point of my post, if your primary focus is only to commit to loving your husband every day, what happens on the days when you are without the strength to do so? Is it only on those days that you seek God and ask for His strength to love your man as He originally intended?
It’s unfortunate that your parents burst your bubble/belief about God’s deep concern and attention to every detail of your life. His word does say that He takes an active interest in our lives. And our marriages are a reflection of our relationship with Him. You are not as in control as you think you are, but you can remain blind to all that our Father is blessing you with and growing you for.
Lord, you have examined me and know all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down.
You know everything I do.
Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it.
You are all around me — in front and in back — and have put your hand on me.
Your knowledge is amazing to me; it is more than I can understand.
~ Psalm 139:1-6
Be blessed, sister. May you and your husband and your marriage be conduits of God’s grace, mercy and love always.
I wouldn’t want to imagine life without James. I enjoy being with him more than anyone else in this world. I love him more than I ever thought you could love someone, and I miss him whenever I am not with him. I wouldn’t want to married to anyone else other than James, which is good, because I plan on being married to him forever, and he has to let me die first.
But I reject the entire premise of soul mates.
Do you remember those awesome Evangelical 90’s/ early 2000’s where Jesus was kind of like our boyfriend and we all kissed dating good-bye because we just knew that God was going to bring us THE ONE and then life…
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